why didn't you poke me back
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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