After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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