Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
