Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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