I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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