I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
