dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize