Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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