i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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