I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
So apparently I’m into choking now
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