I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
