First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
