So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
