M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
