Where is the hickey?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
