It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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