I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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