Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
