My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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