Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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