Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
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