I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
