I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
