Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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