My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
