she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
