I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
