I am puke
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
