i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
