three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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