At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
What changed your mind?
Being sober
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
