Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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