"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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