1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
