I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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