Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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