Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
