Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
