I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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