just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He better not be in your backpack
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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