there was a trapeze. enough said
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
