Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize