i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
