I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
