Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
