We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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