I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
