While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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