i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
