Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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