Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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