He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
