If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I am naked and annoyed.
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