she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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