I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
