I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
