Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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