Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
