You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
