So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
