My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
