Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
