If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
