dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
