I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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