I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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