so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
