I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
worst night to have a conscience
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Dear god my vagina.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
