I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize