there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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