Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
