First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
